Rollercoaster Ride

This has got to be a blog record for me, two posts in two days. 2009 has been quite the little rollercoaster in our family. Although we have had some great moments (Mike likes to remind me that he did in fact take me to Hawaii) we have also had our share of frustrations and disappointments. I have been thinking of blogging about this for months and have been putting it off, not exactly sure how I wanted to talk about it, but definitely wanting to post, because I have found so much comfort in reading others blogs on their struggle with infertility.

The year started off with our OB/GYN telling us that after a year and a half, countless tests and a run of clomid, we needed to see a fertility specialist because he still hadn't figured out what was wrong and we clearly were not pregnant. So with new hope of getting to the bottom of this we went up to the University of Utah infertility department. We had really been thinking 2009 was the year it was all going to happen for us and we were so excited. They had us do a few more tests and then said we are an "unexplained" case. Comforting...that no one can figure out what the problem is so no one can figure out what to do.

We decided that our best option was to try Intra Uterine Insemination(IUI). That is where they directly inject the sperm into the uterus. We were excited and hopeful that this might be it. Our odds were good that it would work so we did it in April, and then again in May, and again in June, and yet again in July...with no results. Each time a new hope and each time more disappointment. After 4 tries the odds drastically decrease in terms of sucess so...we were back at the drawing board.

By this time we were running out of options to try. Our doctor suggested that I have surgery to remove the small patch of endometriosis seen on ultrasound, as well as an ovarian cyst, which wouldn't necessarily improve our odds, but more would help with cramping. This way he could look inside and see if there was something causing the problem. We weren't exactly excited to have surgery...but were willing to do whatever it takes. We were so hopeful that something would come out of this.

So in September I went under the knife. I had laparoscopic exploratory surgery to hopeful clean out my uterus and then do another round of IUI. That was the plan until they found that I have severe endometriosis that covers not only my uterus and ovaries, but all my other organs in my lower abdomen, causing an extensive amount of scar tissue resulting in infertility. So as hopeful as we were now again left disappointment. There was no way we would be able to get pregnant on our own...unless a miracle happened. Making our only option to achieve a pregnancy though in-vitro fertilization.

So that is where we stand. We are planning to do in-vitro in January and are hoping for a much better 2010. We had to wait a few months since in-vitro is a small fortune added to the fortune we have already paid out this year and since all fertility treatments require payment in full before you begin we had to earn some money first before we jumped on the bandwagon.

We are going to start the in-vitro process January 3rd. In is approximately 5 weeks depending on how your body responds. The first four weeks will be medication injections to produce a bunch of eggs. With numerous Dr. visits and ultrasounds to make sure all is going well. Sometime during the 4th week they will take the eggs out and fertilize them. They then let them grow for 3-5 days. The 5th week will be when they implant the eggs into the uterus...then we do more medication injections and just wait to see if it worked. We have a 40% chance of success...so we are trying to balance staying hopeful and realistic at the same time.

Lately I have been reading a blog called therhouse. It is a great resource for as she calls them "infertility warriors" and those wishing to adopt. This last week she posted about believing. I loved it. Sometimes it is so easy to get frustrated and let the disappointment of days bar you down...it's easy to forget to believe and sometimes we just need a reminder. She said:

believe.
it's my new word.

believe that there's a plan.
believe that Heavenly Father loves you.
believe that He only gives the good gift.
believe that there is light.
believe that you can make it.
believe that you are a survivor.

We still have a lot to believe in and hope for and that is what we are trying to do. Some days are easier than others...but we are trying.
I do have a favor to ask of all you people that read my blog. Please keep us in your prayers this month. If you want to do more we are having a friend and family fast on January 3rd and you are welcome to join in. We hope everyone has a fabulous new year.