Happy Changes!

After IVF #2 we are thrilled to be expecting a new addition to our family!

Keyli looks thrilled to have a sibling doesn't she?  She was so funny with this sign...she would not touch it or hold it, or have anything to do with it for that matter.  Apparently she likes being an only child.

EDD: March 5, 2013

The Waiting Game

We have played the waiting game the last two weeks. It started with bed rest and now I am back in the swing of things...work and all. Tomorrow morning we find out if the in-vitro took or not. I am totally having mixed feelings about it. On the one hand I am so excited to find out if we are finally pregnant but I am scared to death at the same time. We have been wishing and hoping and praying the last 4 years for a family and this finally could be it. I have been trying to be realistic in the situation so I am not devastated if we are not pregnant. There is a 40% chance that it didn't work and I have yet to figure out how you grieve over lost hope. We could do it again but knowing this is the last option of us having our own children makes it so overwhelming. Eveyone keeps asking me how I am feeling and if anythings seems different. For the most part I feel the same as ever. Any symptom I am feeling is a product of the in vitro process.

The other issue I am having is I am not sure how or when to tell people. It's not like we have kept it a big secret because lets be honest it's such an overwhelming situation that I definately couldn't do it without completely going crazy if I did not have support. It has been so refreshing to know that people care and support us. I want people to know and be excited with us if it is good news...but I also am a nurse and know that there still are a lot of things that could happen the next few months. I was always going to wait until I was past the first trimester to tell people I was pregnant. I don't really think that is an option right now, you might all go crazy waiting and I am a terrible liar. On the other hand if it is bad news I don't think I am going to want to talk about it over and over to tell everyone.

Here is what I do know. I do know that I am not going to post anything tomorrow for all you curious people because I am working tonight and I work tomorrow night and I have to sleep sometime. I promise that I will publish it when I am ready and that it won't be in 2 months. I may just put a smiley face or a frowny face and let that be the end of it.

Retrieval & Transfer

The last couple days have been very busy for us...driving up to the U almost every day. On Friday they did the egg retrieval. They started an IV and set me up with fluids and meds to make me go to sleep. Once again my body doesn't know how to react normally. I was awake the whole time. I don't remember a lot of what was being said but apparently I made the doctor uncomfortable by watching him the whole time. The stick a needle through your uterus wall and into the ovaries and suck out the eggs. They were able to get 4 eggs out. Then we waited to hear from the embryologist on what they were doing.

Recovery

Sunday we found out that 2 of our eggs were mature and 2 were not. They fertilized the 2 mature ones and they both took...so we had 2 embryos growing.

They either do a 3 day transfer or a 5 day transfer depending on the situation. One doctor wanted to wait for a 5 day...but the doctor this morning wanted to do it today since there were only 2 embryos. So this morning at 8am I got the call to head up to the U for transfer. Both embryos were good quality and we decided to put them both in. There is a 60% chance of pregnancy so we are keeping our fingers crossed. Now we just get to wait it out.

Our 2 embryos

Once they put the embryos in I have to be on bed rest for 5 days. If anyone has any good ideas of things I could be doing that would great. Thanks for all the prayers and words of encouragement.

The Rollercoaster Continues...

I was going to post earlier in the week, but my Dr. Appointment Monday didn't go so well and I was wallowing a bit the last few days. I did finish my book "Lovely Bones" which was disturbing and captivating at the same time. I didn't mean to make this post so long. Sorry there are no pictures to keep the eye entertained.

Monday I had my first appointment to see how the medications were working. They did an ultrasound and found that I only have four eggs that are ready and a few that are too little. They don't really like to do anything unless there is at least six eggs so we were thinking we may have to start over in a couple of months with a higher dose. We also found that since my surgery some endometriosis is back and the cyst on my left ovary is back. Therefore hindering the left ovaries production...very discouraging and frustrating.

I went back today for another ultrasound to see if some of the smaller eggs were just slow growers and I now have 5 possible 6 eggs to work with. So we had to decide what we wanted to do...proceed with this cycle, try again in a few months, or do IUI again and see if it works. The pluses are I am young (well to them I am young, to me I am getting old). Okay so really that is the only thing we have going for us at the moment. The problem is they don't know if we did it again later if it would even make a difference in egg production. My endometriosis may not allow much different results. So we have decided that we would just proceed with this cycle and hope for the best. They left Mike and I alone in an office until we came up with a decision. We prayed a lot in that little office. We both feel good about the decision but it is still a little nerve racking.

I go in Friday for the egg retrieval and am hoping that 1: they are able to get 6 eggs out (sometimes they can't get them all), 2: that they all will fertilize and continue to grow, 3: that we have 2 strong embryo's to implant when the time comes...more would be better then we could freeze some for later.

We definitely don't have the most optimal situation. At this point there isn't much we can do but trust in the Lord and pray that everything will work out. I know we have had many prayers coming our way and we are greatly appreciative of that. Thank you to everyone for your support. It really has meant a lot to us just knowing that you care and are rooting for us!

The good news is I have received much appreciated and more delicious packages this week. I received some delicious cookies from Megan and Annabelle and I received a package of chocolate in the mail today from Karlee. Thanks for brightening my week and making it bearable. I definitely have had crazy hormone emotions this week (at least that is what I am blaming it on).

Please keep us in your prayers this week...especially Friday. We are going to fast again on Sunday, and I am sure next week when implantation happens we will be asking for prayers again. Thanks again for the support. We definitely wouldn't make it through without the support of Family and Friends!

Packages

Friday morning I received this at my door step...


I love getting boxes at the door. This box looks all exciting like something good will be in it and this is what I got...

Yep, that's right lots of medications and needles to give them to me with. With all the hormone medication you would think they would send the girl some chocolate or something! Instead I just got a little pharmacy. Monday I started with all the hormone injections. Three shots a night into my tummy. I feel like I am becoming a pin cushion. I am not exactly sure what to expect but I am warning everyone that by the end of the week I may be CraZy! Or at least just needing some chocolate. Now we are just hoping that all the injections produce plenty good healthy eggs that they can suck out next week.

I thought I would add some Christmas pictures since I haven't yet. (yes I am a slacker but it's only mid January). When I was uploading pictures I realized I hadn't uploaded any Christmas yet.

We do a Koltermann family Christmas party every year with talents and music and all the grand kids dressed up for the nativity. We all sing Jingle bells and Rudolph the Red nosed Reindeer every year. The kids always fight over who gets wear the Rudolph nose and this year the lucky winner was Mike...I love how Sadie and Serena are looking at him. How cute is that. We couldn't get him to put on the antlers but I must say he was quite the hit!
Here is our nativity scene. Yes it is posed because we couldn't get all the kids looking the same direction any other way. The bigger kids think it is so fun to make themselves beards out of tolet paper. This year they were all trying to make it as long as possible. I think they did pretty good.

Rollercoaster Ride

This has got to be a blog record for me, two posts in two days. 2009 has been quite the little rollercoaster in our family. Although we have had some great moments (Mike likes to remind me that he did in fact take me to Hawaii) we have also had our share of frustrations and disappointments. I have been thinking of blogging about this for months and have been putting it off, not exactly sure how I wanted to talk about it, but definitely wanting to post, because I have found so much comfort in reading others blogs on their struggle with infertility.

The year started off with our OB/GYN telling us that after a year and a half, countless tests and a run of clomid, we needed to see a fertility specialist because he still hadn't figured out what was wrong and we clearly were not pregnant. So with new hope of getting to the bottom of this we went up to the University of Utah infertility department. We had really been thinking 2009 was the year it was all going to happen for us and we were so excited. They had us do a few more tests and then said we are an "unexplained" case. Comforting...that no one can figure out what the problem is so no one can figure out what to do.

We decided that our best option was to try Intra Uterine Insemination(IUI). That is where they directly inject the sperm into the uterus. We were excited and hopeful that this might be it. Our odds were good that it would work so we did it in April, and then again in May, and again in June, and yet again in July...with no results. Each time a new hope and each time more disappointment. After 4 tries the odds drastically decrease in terms of sucess so...we were back at the drawing board.

By this time we were running out of options to try. Our doctor suggested that I have surgery to remove the small patch of endometriosis seen on ultrasound, as well as an ovarian cyst, which wouldn't necessarily improve our odds, but more would help with cramping. This way he could look inside and see if there was something causing the problem. We weren't exactly excited to have surgery...but were willing to do whatever it takes. We were so hopeful that something would come out of this.

So in September I went under the knife. I had laparoscopic exploratory surgery to hopeful clean out my uterus and then do another round of IUI. That was the plan until they found that I have severe endometriosis that covers not only my uterus and ovaries, but all my other organs in my lower abdomen, causing an extensive amount of scar tissue resulting in infertility. So as hopeful as we were now again left disappointment. There was no way we would be able to get pregnant on our own...unless a miracle happened. Making our only option to achieve a pregnancy though in-vitro fertilization.

So that is where we stand. We are planning to do in-vitro in January and are hoping for a much better 2010. We had to wait a few months since in-vitro is a small fortune added to the fortune we have already paid out this year and since all fertility treatments require payment in full before you begin we had to earn some money first before we jumped on the bandwagon.

We are going to start the in-vitro process January 3rd. In is approximately 5 weeks depending on how your body responds. The first four weeks will be medication injections to produce a bunch of eggs. With numerous Dr. visits and ultrasounds to make sure all is going well. Sometime during the 4th week they will take the eggs out and fertilize them. They then let them grow for 3-5 days. The 5th week will be when they implant the eggs into the uterus...then we do more medication injections and just wait to see if it worked. We have a 40% chance of success...so we are trying to balance staying hopeful and realistic at the same time.

Lately I have been reading a blog called therhouse. It is a great resource for as she calls them "infertility warriors" and those wishing to adopt. This last week she posted about believing. I loved it. Sometimes it is so easy to get frustrated and let the disappointment of days bar you down...it's easy to forget to believe and sometimes we just need a reminder. She said:

believe.
it's my new word.

believe that there's a plan.
believe that Heavenly Father loves you.
believe that He only gives the good gift.
believe that there is light.
believe that you can make it.
believe that you are a survivor.

We still have a lot to believe in and hope for and that is what we are trying to do. Some days are easier than others...but we are trying.
I do have a favor to ask of all you people that read my blog. Please keep us in your prayers this month. If you want to do more we are having a friend and family fast on January 3rd and you are welcome to join in. We hope everyone has a fabulous new year.